I have a winner. You don't think I'm going to tell you right away, though, do you?
The good news is that the crackers tasted waaaay better than the potato chips. I could definitely see buying (and eating!) these again. Phew. I don't know if there's really any bad news, so I'll just move into the reviewing. For those who don't want the details, just the verdict: I didn't have a singular favorite. They're all reasonably edible, though I probably won't buy Shrimp Salad again. You'll have to scroll to the end for more info.
There were a lot of crackers here, so sampling took place in spurts. I ended up getting Black Pepper as well as the Ma La Tang since it got multiple votes, and I figured it was pretty innocuous, so in all I had eight flavors to get through. The leftovers should take care of any salt cravings I may have for the next, oh, two months.
To set the stage, the crackers are basically a half-size, wheatier version of a Ritz cracker -- crunchier and less buttery (and obviously more flavorful), but not being as familiar as I used to be with the cracker aisle, that's the best comparison I can think of at the moment.
Anyway, the nitty gritty: I was pretty intrigued to see what kind of differences could be manufactured between Tomato, Cherry Tomato, and Pizza flavors, so that's where I started. As it turns out, they're quite distinct.
Tomato -- Pretty mild, in both taste and smell. Salty, but not excessively so. I couldn't truly discern any particular "tomato-y" flavor; if the bag hadn't been labelled as such, I probably would have guessed it was some blend of generic western-spices -- garlic, onion, etc. Remember those veggie crackers (Vegetable Thins, maybe? I don't remember) that came out in the 1980s? That's kinda like what these taste like.
Cherry Tomato -- At first, I thought these just tasted like ketchup. But then I noticed that the sweet flavor (as I would expect from a cherry tomato) was very familiar, even nostalgic. It took me a minute or so (and another 4 crackers) to place it, but I did: they taste like Campbell's tomato soup, which my dad used to serve me with Ritz crackers or saltines on winter weekends when I was little, which made the flavor on a cracker that much more entertaining to me. They even smell like the Campbell's.
Pizza -- The pizza flavor was definitely stronger than the Tomato, and discernible as pizza insofar as there were hints of cheese and oregano. Again, though, I didn't really get much of a tomato taste -- but maybe they don't put a lot of sauce on their pizzas here (I haven't had one yet, so I don't know).
Cumin -- My first thought upon opening the bag was "mmm, samosa!" These chips seemed somehow more wheaty than the others, although I'm sure the base for all of them is the same (all have wheat flour as the first ingredient, too). They do taste like cumin, I suppose -- not that I've had cumin outside of Indian dishes to really be able to single it out as an ingredient -- but the smell was extremely nutty. Maybe that's just how cumin smells (see: standard Indian ingredient, often overwhelmed by curry and turmeric), but what with my nut allergy, that was a little off-putting to me. I knew it wouldn't be a problem allergy-wise, but it's hard for me to break the Pavlovian response to not eat something that smells strongly of nuts. I kept forcing myself to stick my hand in the bag in a surreal battle of brain-vs-itself.
Ma La Tang smelled like really good barbeque -- not barbecue-flavored chips, but like ribs slathered in thick brown sauce, with baked beans on the side. Sorry to disappoint, but these chips did not burn my tongue off. They were indeed spicy, enough so that my tongue was a little tingly after 5 or 10, and if I'd eaten the whole bag, I might have cleared my sinuses, but no numbness from the tasting. They didn't taste particularly like barbeque -- they were, as anticipated, mostly peppery, a 'darker' sort of spice taste, but with an extra something that I couldn't identify. These also had an aftertaste that reminded me of hot and sour soup. I liked the tingling, but not the sourness, it just tasted wrong on the cracker, as if it had gone a little off.
Shrimp Salad -- I was the most wary of this flavor, but it actually turned out to be decent. The bag really does smell like shrimp salad (how do they DO that??), which was a little disconcerting (eau de mayonnaise?), but the chips themselves tasted mostly like buttery shrimp crackers -- these were the least wheat-tasting of the range -- with some onion and garlic thrown in. They were OK, but a touch too oily and sharp. I don't know that I'd ever have a craving for them.

Hot Welsh Onion -- This bag smelled like Tabasco sauce, and the chips had the orange-red color to match (at right, some Hot Welsh Onions gang up on a Shrimp Salad, which is just slightly lighter than a Ritz). As if I couldn't have guessed from the picture on the front of the bag, this was more of a chili-pepper spicy than the Ma La Tang. While I felt the Ma La Tang in my tongue, I felt this more in my throat -- personally, I think this would be harder to down an entire bag of, but the Ma La Tang is probably a bit spicier chip for chip. If you like spice, I'd recommend you try both, but if your idea of spice is salt, you should probably stick to the tomato flavors. I was wondering where the onion flavor was amid the Tabasco, but then noted it in the aftertaste... more like onion powder than the spring onion advertised on the bag, but hey, it's a bag of chips. At least there's no lime.
Black Pepper -- Alas for its supporters, it wasn't that exciting, which is probably for the best since I hadn't decided whether it should be allowed to win or not. The pepper isn't even all that notable; I tasted wheat and salt first. They had a slight hint of vegetable and were pleasant enough, but overall pretty unremarkable.
So what came out on top? I don't have a definitive answer, because I could see choosing different varieties depending on my mood and degree of salt cravings on a given day. I think I'm most likely to go back for the Tomato flavor precisely because it's not overpowering and thus conducive to more situations, but given a serious salt or spice craving, would probably reach for the Pizza or the Hot Welsh Onion. That orange is really disturbing, though. If it were still winter -- and maybe I'll make tomato soup at some point anyway -- I'd totally buy the Cherry Tomato and dunk them in the bowl for old time's sake. Maybe even make myself a grilled cheese sandwich to go with it. I'm probably old enough to eat the crusts, though. Honest.